Man Receives Week In Prison For Pooping His Pants And Leaving A Mess In Courthouse Bathroom

(Source) Everybody poops. But not everybody does it in their pants, inside a federal courthouse and then gets jail time for it. That was the case for 50-year-old Ronald Strong who, according to a recent Salon article accidentally defecated in his pants, went to clean it up and left such a terrible mess in the bathroom that the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals gave the Maine man a week in jail. In a graphic 57-page document detailing Strong’s crappy day, a distinguished judge included “vivid comparisons to spaghetti with meat sauce and chunky peanut butter.”

As an adult who has pooped his pants I really want to defend Ronald Strong here. Really do. Just to show some simple solidarity for a fellow man who doesn’t always have full control over his bowels. But I can’t. Because rule 1 of pooping your pants in public is when you have to go you go and Rule number 2 is always clean up after yourself. Like we have enough problems as is Ronald. Pants shitters are a persecuted bunch. No need to increase that persecution by leaving a bowl of pasta mixed with chunky peanut butter for the janitor to clean up. You just took our movement back decades. Now everyone is going to laugh at how silly you look, when you simply could have thrown your boxers away, put your asshole in the sink, and been done with it. So yeah, you deserve to go to jail and think about what you’ve done. Next time you shit your pants think about all the people you effect when you don’t clean up properly, dick.

PS

I know that Meat Sauce/Peanut Butter shit, it’s usually when I eat Mexican food and drink a thousand margaritas.